Charlie Brooker on Live From Studio Five


It’s the new benchmark for unwatchable TV, and – as Brooker points out – it counts as a NEWS programme (produced by Sky News, natch) for Five.

In short: this is quite a stupid programme. It's hosted by Messenger, Ian Wright and Kate “The Apprentice” Walsh. Inoffensive in isolation, once combined they demonstrate the sort of chemistry that could close down a public swimming pool for 25 years. For one thing, they all stare and smile down the lens throughout, as though they've been asked to imagine the viewer is a backward child at a birthday party. Kate in particular grins like a woman being paid per square inch of revealed dentistry.
According to the official website the show is “a mix of celebrity interviews, gossip and banter wrapped around a popular news agenda that everyone's talking about”. In other words, it's a torrent of flavourless showbiz porridge interspersed with occasional VTs about Ronnie Biggs or 12-year-old sex change patients or whatever else the tabloids are moaning about.

Link: Charlie Brooker’s screen burn: Live From Studio Five.